Riding the wave

This is the wallpaper picture that has been on my laptop since earlier this summer. Its a picture taken by a surfer in Hawaii (Clark Little), with a high speed camera. His wife wanted some unique pictures for a mural in their home. I put it up because I love the majesty of the water, the power of the wave, how blue the water and the sky are, and besides...who doesn't like a tropical picture. But a few days ago, (after getting my laptop from the factory, because it was under warranty and broke) I looked at it from an angle, I never had before. Notice the person who is about to be drowned in the magnificence of such power. Unless that person has the knowledge of how to swim, how to navigate around such conditions....its pretty much over for them. If they panic....its pretty much over for them. If they give up....its pretty much over for them. They need to know how to ride the wave. When something so big and overwhelming is coming our way, do we know how to ride it out???

What a parallel to life. The last time I checked, NOT ONE PERSON on this earth is immune from pain (physical or emotional), heartache, grief, disappointment, loss, confusion, despair or any other challenging mortal experience. Whether we see it coming or not, we each need to know how to 'swim'. We need to make sure that we do not panic, that we do not give up. I would hope that it would be alright to occasionally swallow that bitter-tasting pride we all collect and store from time to time, and yell for a life-jacket or have someone toss us a lifesaver, and reel us in.

I suppose it is no accident that the gospel of Jesus Christ is deemed as 'living water'....or that hope is like an anchor of the soul. The regal blue tang fish in 'Little Nemo' named Dory sang a simple song with a influential meaning...just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming, what do we do we swim swim swim...

My precious peeps...

These are my precious peeps. These were all taken earlier this month. A quick shout out to Amber Redd Photography. Amber, THANK YOU again, you did a great job!!!

Everyone probably thinks their kids should be models...huh?

A year ago...

A year ago, he moved out. It's soo strange to thing that its been a year now. For those of you who don't know, I am divorced (Its still too strange for me to say). My divorce was finalized in March, 5 months ago, but we were separated for a time before that.
And as taboo as it may be for someone to blog about their separation and divorce, I see this as means to try to explain and journal that I've not yet been able to put into words. So here goes my attempt.
Ask yourself what stereotypes you have and what they are made up of. For me, my stereotypical ideal of a recently divorced women was one who appeared needy (looking to others for most things) one who frequently talked about her ex-husband (also a strange term for me to use) and talked down about him, amongst other things.
Now thinking of these negative labels and looking now I would stereotypically fall into them, but desperately not wanting to, I vehemently decided not to be like "one of them." As a result, I hardly talk about him at all. I do not speak ill of him in front of the kids. I also try soo hard not to appear needy. I feel such a drive to be independent and self-reliant. Granted I have three kids, am a student, and work full-time...I cannot do it alone. My parents help tremendously with the kids. But I so strongly desire and try so hard to do as much as I can with as little help as I can...(so I don't appear needy)...
I remember talking with a friend about their divorce. I can now relate. Like them, I to have gotten to the point of questioning most everything that I previously assumed or believed to be true. I do have a different perspective now.
To say that this last year has been excruciating, painful, difficult....where I have reached new lows would be a major understatement. However, I have had many assurances that things are now as they should be. I have a great family, fantastic friends, great neighbors, and am by far in the very best ward with the most amazing bishopric. I cannot imagine these past few years without my bishop, Bart Lynn.
I feel as though I owe so much to so many people. So as you read this, please accept my most sincere, heartfelt and deepest gratitude for your help, prayers, smiles, waves, hugs and words of encouragement. They all have meant so much!!!

Where we stand...

I'll try to make this quick, because I REALLY want to go to bed. We just got home from SLC, playing, back to school shopping, giving the kids a chance to see their dad, and of course the annual Primary Childrens visits.
We went in Monday morning for his MRI. Then we went to see his neurosurgeon, Dr. Kestle. He said that things looked good. We expressed some of our concerns. He expressed understanding although he was not sure if he could help. He made sure that we were following up with neurology, and we were the next day.
Tuesday came and we went back to the neurology clinic. We started by seeing the PA, Lynn Fuller. We gave Dylans history from square one, then continued to express our concern that things were getting worse for Dylan, that we were concerned about his seizure activity. She left just briefly and in that time we (Jeff & I)saw what seems to be occurring more frequently. He forgot a fairly common word. He described it by the box that warms or cooks food, you push the buttons, "beep beep beep, then start", that it was black at the hotel but white at home. The word was 'microwave'. It causes him frustration and us concern. The neurologist thought that his loss of memory was not due to seizure activity. His sleep is not the best...so perhaps that could be a cause. He did have his amygdala (memory & retention part of the brain) removed when he was 3, but we were taught that the brain re-wired itself with in 2 years. The neurologist agreed, but explained that because of the additional information he is learning, the more complex things his brain is doing, could be the cause of this regression...(as if the say that the memory in his hard drive cannot take much more.) Will meds help? We don't know, but we are going to try Depakote. Dr. Sakonju also ordered more tests and studies, none of which I am a fan of, but she's not going to make us do the 7 day EEG again (yet), so I think I can handle anything else. We have to follow up with her just days before Thanksgiving.
So that's what I thought about for hours on the way home. Will he get better? I don't know. Will he get worse? I don't know. Were these last 2 years as good as what it will be for Dylan? I don't know. That is where we stand, now its time to kneel...

Photo Journal

Here is a photo journal of our recent trip to Salt Lake. We went the first weekend in June. I took the kids to see their dad. We tried to play and I think that the kids had a good time.

One of our first stops was at the "This is the Place" Heritage Park.


Of course we had to go the gift shop, and of course Taylor enjoyed looking things over as she shopped...a girl after my own heart.

And they each had to try the silly hats on...

Taylor, of course all cheese, although I'm not sure why she brought the baby doll with her.

Jared, also super cheese.

The patient kids posed next to everything their mother asked them to.

The plan was to then go to see Jeff and his mom and have lunch all together. We ended up going to McDonald's. The kids ate quickly and had a great time with the 'Playland' there.

Yes, that's Dylan waving 'HI' from the beak of the bird at 'Playland'

Taylor hiding under the stairs...

Jared laughing too hard as he came down the slide.

After McDonald's, we drove around for a little bit, and ended up at the

Veterans Memorial Park in West Jordan.

Jared...thinking he is spider man.

Dylan...also thinking he is spider man.

After the park, we drove around to see the 'sights' of West/South Jordan. Then we went to eat at Sizzler. That is one of the things that Taylor wanted as a part of her birthday, to eat at Sizzler together as a family...after which, we went back to our hotel.

The next day, we started by going for a train ride. It is called the 'Frontrunner' and it is a train operated by Utah Transit Authority. It is a straight shot from Salt Lake to Ogden, and back. Some of the cars are double-deckers...and that is of course where we rode, on the top.

I'm not sure Jared knows how to give a partial smile.

See what I mean!?!

I later found out that Taylor REALLY didn't enjoy the whole train experience. But she was a trooper to let her brothers enjoy it.

During our stop in Ogden, Dylan wanted his picture taken with the 'old train with a hook'. Jared just happened to walk in the way.

On the way back to Salt Lake from Ogden.

They all wanted their picture with daddy...

Jared watching another train pass us.

Dylan LOVED this experience.

Taylor...not so much.

After the train ride, we went to the Gateway Plaza food court for lunch. Dylan and Taylor each had their own $5 footlong, and thought that it was sooo cool!!!

Jared got Sbarro Pizza (& lookin a little tired)

We then meandered to the Clarke Planetarium.

Jeff and the kids on 'Mars.'

The time for us to come home was quickly approaching and so we went to a park just behind where Jeff lives, and let the kids play for an hour.

I hope everyone had a good, memorable time!!

Don't worry, Dylan's MRI is scheduled at Primary Children's in August.

"We'll be back!!"