My precious peeps...

These are my precious peeps. These were all taken earlier this month. A quick shout out to Amber Redd Photography. Amber, THANK YOU again, you did a great job!!!

Everyone probably thinks their kids should be models...huh?

A year ago...

A year ago, he moved out. It's soo strange to thing that its been a year now. For those of you who don't know, I am divorced (Its still too strange for me to say). My divorce was finalized in March, 5 months ago, but we were separated for a time before that.
And as taboo as it may be for someone to blog about their separation and divorce, I see this as means to try to explain and journal that I've not yet been able to put into words. So here goes my attempt.
Ask yourself what stereotypes you have and what they are made up of. For me, my stereotypical ideal of a recently divorced women was one who appeared needy (looking to others for most things) one who frequently talked about her ex-husband (also a strange term for me to use) and talked down about him, amongst other things.
Now thinking of these negative labels and looking now I would stereotypically fall into them, but desperately not wanting to, I vehemently decided not to be like "one of them." As a result, I hardly talk about him at all. I do not speak ill of him in front of the kids. I also try soo hard not to appear needy. I feel such a drive to be independent and self-reliant. Granted I have three kids, am a student, and work full-time...I cannot do it alone. My parents help tremendously with the kids. But I so strongly desire and try so hard to do as much as I can with as little help as I can...(so I don't appear needy)...
I remember talking with a friend about their divorce. I can now relate. Like them, I to have gotten to the point of questioning most everything that I previously assumed or believed to be true. I do have a different perspective now.
To say that this last year has been excruciating, painful, difficult....where I have reached new lows would be a major understatement. However, I have had many assurances that things are now as they should be. I have a great family, fantastic friends, great neighbors, and am by far in the very best ward with the most amazing bishopric. I cannot imagine these past few years without my bishop, Bart Lynn.
I feel as though I owe so much to so many people. So as you read this, please accept my most sincere, heartfelt and deepest gratitude for your help, prayers, smiles, waves, hugs and words of encouragement. They all have meant so much!!!

Where we stand...

I'll try to make this quick, because I REALLY want to go to bed. We just got home from SLC, playing, back to school shopping, giving the kids a chance to see their dad, and of course the annual Primary Childrens visits.
We went in Monday morning for his MRI. Then we went to see his neurosurgeon, Dr. Kestle. He said that things looked good. We expressed some of our concerns. He expressed understanding although he was not sure if he could help. He made sure that we were following up with neurology, and we were the next day.
Tuesday came and we went back to the neurology clinic. We started by seeing the PA, Lynn Fuller. We gave Dylans history from square one, then continued to express our concern that things were getting worse for Dylan, that we were concerned about his seizure activity. She left just briefly and in that time we (Jeff & I)saw what seems to be occurring more frequently. He forgot a fairly common word. He described it by the box that warms or cooks food, you push the buttons, "beep beep beep, then start", that it was black at the hotel but white at home. The word was 'microwave'. It causes him frustration and us concern. The neurologist thought that his loss of memory was not due to seizure activity. His sleep is not the best...so perhaps that could be a cause. He did have his amygdala (memory & retention part of the brain) removed when he was 3, but we were taught that the brain re-wired itself with in 2 years. The neurologist agreed, but explained that because of the additional information he is learning, the more complex things his brain is doing, could be the cause of this regression...(as if the say that the memory in his hard drive cannot take much more.) Will meds help? We don't know, but we are going to try Depakote. Dr. Sakonju also ordered more tests and studies, none of which I am a fan of, but she's not going to make us do the 7 day EEG again (yet), so I think I can handle anything else. We have to follow up with her just days before Thanksgiving.
So that's what I thought about for hours on the way home. Will he get better? I don't know. Will he get worse? I don't know. Were these last 2 years as good as what it will be for Dylan? I don't know. That is where we stand, now its time to kneel...